The Open Chair is Not Enough

Every once and a while, I visit other churches, not in an attempt to find a new church home, but just get an idea of what other churches are doing in our area.  Usually I make sure to keep it quiet that I work in ministry and do my best to remain incognito.  Basically, I just "go to church".  From this point of view, you would be amazed at what you can learn about a community from just one visit.  By simply observing, you can really get a feel for the type of culture that exists and what their ministries must look like as well.  Believe it or not, you can also get an idea of what their Life Groups might look like, without a visit to one.  One church in particular stands out in my memory and gave me a glance at what it feels like to struggle in seeking a loving and accepting community.

About a year ago, before I joined Gateway, I visited a medium sized church in the Houston area.  I had driven past it dozens of times or so, and had always wondered what they were all about.  I found myself free one Sunday, so I decided to check them out.  When I walked in the front doors, I knew immediately that this was going to be a very interesting visit.  First of all, EVERYONE was dressed in their Sunday best!  I on the other hand, was wearing jeans and an un-tucked shirt.  The closest person to my choice of clothing was a young boy who was NOT wearing a tie!  I immediately recalled a similar experience that a friend of mine had and prepared myself for some discomfort.

My first observation was that not one person greeted me.  I casually walked through the greeting area, got myself a cup of coffee and waited for one of the greeters to say hello and hand me a worship guide.  When they refused to make eye contact, I picked one up on a small table near the doors of the sanctuary and walked in.  As I entered and found an open seat, I felt the same cold shoulder.  Not one person greeted me with even a friendly smile and most just seemed to ignore my presence.  The only welcoming response I received from anyone, came from a little boy sitting in front of me, that kept looking over his shoulder and smiling.  But for all I know, he could have just as easily been laughing at the "stranger".

Usually I have no problems visiting other churches.  I've been in ministry for a while, so I'm used to being in potentially uncomfortable situations from time to time.  Most of the time, I just observe, make mental notes and then leave when the service is over.  But this time, I experienced something very different.  I felt alone, isolated and a bit nervous.  I began feeling that I was different.  Most of all, I didn't feel welcome.  Not only did I feel as if I didn't belong, but I felt completely rejected by this community.  I sat there feeling different about myself, as if I was somehow inferior.  I actually began psychoanalyzing myself and questioning how I must have appeared to these people.  Was there something wrong with me?  Was I not good enough for this congregation?  Did they know something that I didn't?  We're they better than me?

After I left, I realized how ridiculous and silly those thoughts had been and quickly made a reality check.  I still felt the sting of that visit, but more importantly I felt the sting for people that might legitimately visit that church, seeking a loving and accepting community.  What if this was the only image a person had of what Christianity is all about?  What could an experience like this do to a person seeking a church home?  What could it do to a person seeking Christ?

As Life Group leaders, we have the same responsibility to welcome new people into our groups.  On a much smaller scale, the Life Group functions much in the same way that the corporate church body does.  In fact, other than size, their are not many differences.  In essence, when you gather together, you represent the Body of Christ to each other and those that visit your group.  What a powerful reminder of how important it is to not only have an "open chair", but to make sure that those sitting in that chair feel accepted, welcome, loved and that they belong unconditionally.

Not only do we need to keep our attention focused on the possibility of visitors and acknowledging their presence, we need to make sure that we initiate conversation and inclusion.  A visitor may not know anyone in the group and probably has no clue to the history of the group.  It's important to put the focus on them, without overwhelming them and "invite" them into the discussion.  Invite them to participate by introducing them to everyone in the group and giving them a quick run down of how things work.  Catch them up to speed with a few important aspects of the group so they feel included in the important stuff.

When all is said and done, let's not forget why we lead Life Groups in the first place.  Let's remember that we are called to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. (Mark 12:30)  Let's remember that what we do for, what might appear to be the "least of these brothers and sisters", we do for Him. (Matthew 25:40)

And if that's not enough, remember these words from Hebrews 13:2 "Don't forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!"   Now does that freak you out or what?!